


Recover

by MyShipLife



Category: Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: M/M, Mention of Suicide Attempt, Panic Attacks, alternative universe
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-09
Updated: 2019-12-28
Packaged: 2020-10-13 11:47:34
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 8
Words: 14,650
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20581988
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MyShipLife/pseuds/MyShipLife
Summary: Idea from Superficial Peasant:Chiropractor!Alec AU: Magnus gets a recommendation to see Dr Lightwood for his bad back and ends up crying on his table from years of emotional trauma releasing. Alec is so kind and thoughtful during the process that Magnus keeps going regularly. Love happens.





	1. The breakdown

**Author's Note:**

> So I've changed things a bit from the idea to go more smoothly with where my mind was taking me... I have a few chapters ready, I'll post as I continue to work on the ending.  
My work is unbeta-ed so all errors are mine.  
As usual, criticism is welcomed, I really want to improve so please let me know :)
> 
> For those who already started this, I'm sorry it took me sol one, I've been working on it those last months... I made some minor editing in this chapter (mainly tenses, present was getting too hard to handle).

Fidgeting in the waiting room, Magnus got more stressed as minutes passed. One of his friends at work had told him it would be a great idea to see a chiropractor for his long-lasting back problems. And when he had mentioned this to Catarina, not only had she confirmed but she had also told him about someone who had just established his business in New York and who came with a reputation: Alec Lightwood. 

Before booking an appointment, Magnus had done a short internet search to see that Mr Lightwood had been practicing chiropractic treatments for more than ten years. At first he had opened his business in Los Angeles, after having studied all his life in New York. He had stayed in LA until last year, when he had relocated. His waiting list probably was a great sign of success, but Magnus had been disappointed when the receptionist had first told him about the three-month wait. But it turned out that Mr Lightwood’s sister just happened to work in the same hospital as Catarina - they even knew each other rather well - and after a quick chat between the two women, Magnus had received a call telling him that his appointment had been forwarded to the following week.

Said week had gone extremely fast and Magnus almost cancelled the night before. But he didn’t want to put Catarina in an awkward position so he showed up in the Upper East Side at 8am on a Friday morning. 

Looking at his watch, Magnus realized he was still ten minutes early, which didn’t help his fidgeting and when the door opened and Mr Lightwood’s assistant, Lydia, welcomed him in, he instantly felt better.

‘Mr Bane, I’m Lydia, Mr Lightwood’s assistant. If you could please come with me so we can prepare your file and make sure everything’s ready when he arrives’  
‘sure, and please call me Magnus. Once I’ve listed all my troubles, you’ll feel like you’ve known me my whole life’ 

He smiled after his tirade but it felt fake, even to him. So he decided to avoid awkwardness and went on to explaining what was bringing him to Mr Lightwood on this day. When he had finished, Lydia smiled up at him.

‘well, it’s a good thing you’re here today then, your session should appease at least some of your symptoms. Mr Lightwood will be with you shortly, he’ll assess your situation by manipulating you. Considering what you’ve told me, he’ll probably work most on your lower back today. If you please, remove your shirt and pants and lie face down on the table. I’ll put a towel covering you waist down but please let me know if you’re uncomfortable. First time can be a little unsettling’

Magnus did as he was instructed. Just when Lydia placed the towel on him, he heard the door opening.

‘Good morning Mr Bane, I’m Alec Lightwood. How are you feeling today?’  
‘rather worried if I’m being truthful’  
‘that’s perfectly normal. So, Lydia got me up to speed with your problems, I’m going to assess everything, starting at your neck and going down to your lower back. If at any time, you feel any discomfort, pain or anything strange, just let me know and I’ll adjust, ok?’  
‘ok’

After a few seconds, Magnus felt pressure on his neck. Soft yet firm fingers travelled his back from top to sides, back to his spine and down his waist.  
‘ok Mr Bane, I felt 3 points that definitely have to be worked on. Hopefully I can do it all today but I need you to let me know should you feel any headache, dizziness or discomfort’  
‘will do Sir. But please call me Magnus. I am, after all, already half naked’ Magnus heard a quiet chuckle next to his head.  
‘ok Magnus, then call me Alec. You ready?’  
‘as I’ll ever be’

This time, everything was different. Gone was the soft probing of his skin, replaced by assertive hands, thrusting hard on a spot on his spine next to his heart. Magnus felt like it was too much and his heart started beating faster. A few seconds later, he felt the pressure diminish, almost to a stop.  
‘Magnus, I think this already is too much. I need you more relaxed to proceed. Don’t worry you’ve done nothing wrong, it happens pretty often. If that’s ok with you, I’m going to massage more slowly, to help release the tension. I need you to try and focus on your breathing ok? Your heart is going too fast’

Magnus felt tears coming to his eyes. He tried to focus and calm down but the more he tried, the more overwhelmed he was feeling. Alec’s hands on his back were making soothing movements, massaging various areas with different pressure but with special care around his heart and Magnus couldn’t hold the tears any longer.  
As they began to fall, he could feel Alec’s hands changing their pattern. He was now rubbing circles on both sides of Magnus’s spine in time with his breathing, which made him ever more on edge, as he realized his breathing was not slowing down.

‘Magnus, this is a safe place. Back problems usually come with a lot of background to it. You need to let it all out to get better. Focus on my hands and try to regulate your breathing on my movements. That’s it, just like that. Take your time’

Slowly, the tension left Magnus’s shoulders and the tears stopped. He managed to get his breathing under control, but he felt so ashamed that he had no idea how to handle what was coming next. Once more, Alec beat him to it.

‘that was a very good session, Magnus. We managed to liberate the tension in your thoracic spine, hence the overwhelming sensations. I don’t want to work on your lumbar spine today, you must already be exhausted. I’ll let you dress up and will meet you in my office in 5 minutes’

Alec left the room and it took Magnus a few minutes to gather what had just happened. Could that really be normal? Magnus hadn’t really had any idea of what it would be, but crying like a baby certainly wasn’t one. Alec hadn’t seemed phased by it though, even maybe the opposite. And he had helped him a lot to calm down and regulate his body. Once dressed, he left the therapy room and went to Alec’s office, where for the first time he was met with the most extremely beautiful hazel brown eyes belonging to a greek god.

‘Magnus, please take a seat, we’ll get to talking together, face to face, that’d be easier for the both of us’  
That smile… Magnus couldn’t believe how gorgeous Alec was. Just based on his voice and attitude, Magnus had had a very good first impression. But he hadn’t been ready for this.  
‘so, how are you feeling? Any headache? dizziness?’  
‘I don’t really know… I feel like I’m floating a bit, like I had…’  
‘too much to drink?’ Magnus nodded, so Alec went on ‘Yes that can happen. It should get back to normal before the end of our chat. As I told you in the treatment room, I worked mainly on your thoracic spine, that’s basically the area between your shoulders and the end of your ribcage, give or take a few inches. You had a lot of restrictions in that area. I managed to resolve most of them but I’m sure some might still bother you. And I didn’t want to touch your lumbar spine, we’re not ready for that step. If that’s ok with you, I’d like to see you again in ten days, to evaluate the progress and see if we can move to other restrictions. You might feel a bit off for a few days, nothing to worry about. No strenuous activities for 48 hours and yes that includes sex even in the most basic positions’ Magnus laughed at this and could see the relief on Alec’s face, like he was afraid it had been too much.  
‘I feel the need to be very explicit about this one, you have no idea how many specifics I’m asked for this’  
‘well, not from me, I’m on my own at the moment so no worries. But I guess it also means no heavy lifting and weird working positions?’  
‘you guess right. Any of this could be a problem?’  
‘I’ll just have to carry less books and supplies and sit on a chair instead of the desk’  
‘teacher?’  
‘art, university’  
‘wow, must be something. And yes, if you could try to rest at least for 2 days, it would be better. Do you have classes on the weekend?’  
‘no I’m good, I’ll rest at home’  
‘perfect. If you need time before scheduling another appointment, give Lydia a call and she’ll find you a spot. I usually start at 9 but I can make exceptions’.  
‘I don’t need to think about it. Can we say Wednesday in 2 weeks? I don’t have any classes on Thursday so it’ll be easier’  
‘sure, I have 11am or 7pm’  
‘7 is good, I have classes until 5 so it leaves me enough time’  
‘ok perfect. If you feel anything weird or just if you have questions, give Lydia a call and I’ll get back to you, ok?’  
‘ok thanks Mr Ligh… Alec’  
‘you’re welcome Magnus. I’ll see you in 2 weeks, unless you have questions for now? Are you feeling more stable again?’  
‘yes, everything feels fine, and no, no questions, thanks’

Leaving the office, Magnus already felt younger than before arriving. He couldn’t wait for Wednesday.


	2. The way to recovery is long

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The days after the first sessions don't go exactly as planned

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trigger warning: description of panic attack sensations, if this might trigger you, avoid the first paragraphs and go straight for the *
> 
> To all of you who were already there last chapter, sorry it took me so long, life got in the way of me improving and finishing this story. It's done now, I'll be posting regularly from now on.
> 
> To those of you who are just joining the party, welcome! I hope you'll enjoy the ride.

On Saturday, Magnus woke up with a weird feeling in his chest. It wasn't hurting but it was definitely uncomfortable. He didn’t take too much time thinking about it and went on with his day.

On Sunday morning, that nagging feeling in his chest was still present and it was getting stranger. Soon, he found himself shaking and his heart rate skyrocketed. 

Magnus had heard enough stories from Catarina to know that those symptoms were not good. He grabbed his phone and called his friend.

‘Magnus hi, everything’s fine?’  
‘Cat, I don’t know what’s happening. My heart is beating way too fast and I’m shaking all over. Speaking hurts and it’s hard to stay focused’  
‘Magnus, try to listen to my voice sweetie. Can you tell me if anywhere hurts? Your chest, your arm?’  
‘no, I just feel like I’m gonna implode. Cat… I…’  
His labored breathing reached Catarina with difficulty and he could sense her worry.  
‘Magnus it’s gonna be ok. Focus to my voice. I’m leaving work and coming straight to you. But I need you to do something for me, can you?’ It took Magnus a few moments to answer.  
‘sure’  
‘go to your freezer and grab ice. I want you to put ice cubes in your hands and focus on making them melt ok? Stay seated on the floor to do this. I’ll be with you in less than ten minutes. If you can’t reach me when I’m on the subway and need help, call 911. I’ll be there soon sweetie, hang on’

*

Catarina grabbed her coat and purse and went to the nurse station. She explained the situation to her colleagues before going to the elevator. While she was waiting, she heard her name.  
‘Cat I’m sorry I overheard you speaking to Magnus. That’s your friend, the one who saw my brother on Friday right?’  
‘yeah it’s him. He’s having a panic attack, I think. I need to go to him’  
‘I’m gonna call Alec, he’ll want to know that’  
‘it’s Sunday, I’m gonna go and take care of Magnus, I’m sure your brother has things to do’  
‘no believe me, he’ll want to know. Go to Magnus. Can you send me his address while on the subway?’  
‘sure, will do. Thanks Izzy’

As soon as Catarina was in the elevator, Izzy dialed Alec.  
‘Hey Izzy, how are you?’  
‘hi big brother. Listen you remember your client from Friday, my friend’s friend?’  
‘yeah sure, thanks for sending him my way, he’s an interesting client’  
‘well, he seems to be having a panic attack’  
‘WHAT?!’  
‘ow, no need to shout! Catarina is going to him now, but I thought you’d wanna know’  
‘you thought right. Can you give me your friend’s number? I’m not at the office and I don’t have my clients’ files at home’  
‘I’ll text it to you’  
‘thanks for calling Izzy. We’re still on for tonight?’  
‘I’ll bring wine’

A few minutes later, Alec received Catarina’s phone number and the address of his client - Magnus Bane. Thinking back on Friday’s appointment, Alec remembered his client’s reaction and how affected he had been by the manipulation. It wasn’t rare for people to react and Alec had worried about a possible panic attack because of what had happened. He knew that such strong reactions often led to strong side effects. 

So he had told Lydia that should Magnus call her, she could put him through any time, day or night. Alec was not a psychiatrist, he was not even a doctor (don’t get his parents started on that one) but he knew enough about panic attacks to recognize the tell-tale signs. 

When he was settled, he awaited for Catarina to pick up her phone.

‘Hello?’  
‘Hi Catarina, this is Alec Lightwood, Izzy’s brother’  
‘hi Alec, I’m sorry Izzy bothered you on a Sunday. Magnus had a mild panic attack. I’m with him now and he feels better’  
‘I’m relieved to hear that. And don’t worry about bothering me, my job is to take care of my clients’  
‘I can see why he liked your session. Magnus has a hard past. I never offered chiropractic therapy to him because I knew it might turn out like that. But he’s been suffering for so long that when he suggested it, I went along with it. He was a bit worried before seeing you but he called me just after your appointment telling me that he already felt better, even if he was a bit ashamed about his outburst’  
‘I told him that happens sometimes. To be honest I expected something like that after my assistant gave me his history. You’re sure he’s ok?’  
‘He looks better. His constants are stable, his heart rate doesn’t show any weird movement and he’s resting. Should feel better in a few hours’  
‘do you think I could speak to him?’  
‘hold on, I’m going to see if he’s ok… Alec I’m going to put you through but he’s a bit tired so just a few minutes ok?’  
‘sure, thank you Catarina’  
‘thank you Alec, for caring for him. He deserves more people caring for him in his life’ 

Alec could faintly hear Catarina talk to Magnus and soon enough a low ‘hello?’ was muttered.

‘Hi Magnus, it’s Alec. How are you feeling now?’  
‘hi Alec, I’ve known better but sadly I’ve known worse. I’m sorry they bothered you for this’  
‘I’m not bothered, I’m the one who called. I want my clients to feel better after seeing me, not worse’  
‘well, I guess it’s not perfect for now. I wasn’t feeling well yesterday and this morning things got out of control. But Cat took good care of me’  
‘you could have called Lydia. She has a special line for emergencies, she would have put you through to me. I really am available, not just saying it Magnus’  
‘that’s very kind of you Alec, but it’s not a chiropractic issue, more of a ‘me’ issue’  
‘I don’t want to bore you with it today, and I didn’t want to mention it Friday because I didn’t want to generate the risk, but would you be free tomorrow morning? My first appointment is at 10am so we’d have time to discuss a bit more if you came around… say… 8:30?’  
‘do you do this with every client?’  
‘well, you’re not every client. You’re a friend of a friend of my sister’s, that makes you…’  
‘almost a friend?’  
‘exactly. I’m always available for my clients, but some get a special treatment’

Magnus could hear the smile in Alec’s voice. He remembered perfectly well how he had felt when Alec had removed the pain near his heart: the relief, the burning and then the overwhelming grief followed by tears. But Alec had managed to relieve him from his embarrassment and Magnus had felt comfortable listening to Alec’s soothing words and to the feel of his hands calming him down. 

‘ok I’ll see you tomorrow morning then. Thanks Alec’  
‘no need to thank me Magnus, just doing my job. Get some rest’  
‘will do, bye’

Alec finished his day and soon enough, he heard his sister enter his apartment.  
‘Yo Alec, you there?’  
‘You’re not a 12 year-old Izzy…’  
He rolled his eyes at his sister’s antics but still went in for a hug.  
‘How are you big brother?’  
‘fine… tired… you?’  
‘good. I just finished my shift and even had time for a shower before coming’

Alec knew that his sister worked hard, often stayed late and barely had time to see people outside of work.  
But Sunday night was for them and she always found a way to be there, even if it meant she had to shower at her brother’s before dinner. She had her own bedroom at his place, with a fully equipped bathroom.

‘so, did you get Magnus on the phone?’  
‘I did. You’ll thank Catarina for me again. I probably should have warned him but I was afraid it might trigger him. We have an appointment tomorrow morning’  
‘OK. I knew you’d want to know but Alec, don’t believe for one second you did something wrong because you of all people know that panic attacks are not something you can anticipate’  
‘I know Iz, it’s just… I don’t know… anyways I’ll see him tomorrow and we’ll go on from there’  
‘I have rarely seen you so involved though, especially with a first time client’

Alec took a deep breath before answering.  
‘He reminds me of me, OK? You remember how I was during my third year of med school? Well he has the same symptoms. So yes, I feel more involved than with some others, but it rings too many bells so…’  
‘you sure you’re ok? I know you don’t like to be reminded about that period…’  
‘I’m OK now Iz. I don’t like to think about it but I don’t like seeing someone else go through it either, even if I don’t know them’  
‘fair enough. Be careful ok?’  
‘always’


	3. Revelations

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> We go deeper in Alec and Magnus' pasts. Stuff happen ;)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> BIG WARNING for this one: panic attacks are discussed as well as suicide attempt. I've put the hardest parts in between *, if you need just a summary without details, let me know. 
> 
> I've decided to update this faster than I thought, holiday season and all...
> 
> This chapter is the longest and probably the hardest (at least it was for me to write). I didn't want to cut it into two because I couldn't find a place where it made sense, but upcoming chapters will be shorter than this one.
> 
> Come scream at me afterwards if you need to ;)

When Monday morning arrived, Magnus was exhausted. 

He had spent all his Sunday lying in bed and he was still feeling like all the energy had left his body. So when he entered Alec’s office, he was too tired to be stressed or anything else. He sat down in the waiting room after seeing Lydia, and was just about to fall asleep when he heard a soft ‘Magnus?’  
He lifted his head and realized that his memory hadn’t done Alec justice. 

‘hi Alec’  
‘did you get some rest yesterday?’  
‘I did, thank you. Thanks again…’  
‘we’re gonna step into my office ok?’  
‘sure’

Both men stepped in to Alec’s office and once the door was closed, Alec went on.  
‘it’s just that I don’t want anyone to hear what happened to you. At least in here it’s just you and me. So, care to tell me in more details what happened exactly?’

Magnus went on explaining the feelings he had had on Saturday and how it had evolved throughout the weekend, leading to the panic attack.  
‘I’m sorry I didn’t warn you that might happen. It happens from time to time, but I don’t want to over stress people so I usually tell them to go to the emergency room if they feel any different’  
‘Well, I’m glad I had Catarina because that’s what I would have done otherwise’  
‘I understand. It’s always helpful to know someone in the field… I’d like to take a look at your back if that’s ok with you?’  
‘I do have to work later though so if you could try and not go too hard’  
‘I just want to assess the evolution, don’t worry’  
Magnus undressed and went on the table. Once he was face down, he heard Alec enter.  
‘do you want me to cover you waist down? I wouldn’t want you to be cold’  
‘yeah that’d be great, thanks’

Alec covered him and then went to his shoulders. He could feel that Magnus was extremely tense from his neck down to the end of his ribcage. He didn’t feel any resistance anymore though, so what he had done on Friday had helped.  
‘ok Magnus, I’m going to try and help with the tension. You need to let me know if you feel any kind of weird sensation. I really mean anything, ok?’  
‘ok’

Magnus felt Alec’s hands gently running up and down his back. He could feel the pressure slowly increasing and he was getting hotter under Alec’s hands. Thinking back to what Alec had told him, Magnus let him know.  
‘good, I wanted to see how much you’d feel and if you’d tell me. I’m using an oil that heats up when applied. It should help you relax some more. You need to let go of what is holding you back’  
Magnus tensed again as Alec was getting close to subjects he didn’t want to talk about, especially with a stranger. Even if said stranger was as nice as Alec Lightwood.  
‘I am not forcing you to tell me anything you don’t want to talk about. But I could give you names if you need an impartial ear to listen’  
‘I’m not ready to talk about it. It hurts too much just thinking about it’

Alec only hummed in agreement. Magnus felt a change in pattern with Alec’s hands. Slowly his hands dipped farther back, close to the end of his spine. The sensation was overwhelming but nothing compared to the feelings he had had on Friday. This time it felt good, so good that soon enough, Magnus forgot about his fears and his pain. He could only focus on the wonderful sensations he was having and how Alec’s hands felt magical. All his nerves were responding to Alec’s ministrations and slowly he was floating and it was too much and not enough at the same time.

‘Magnus, everything is in order with your back, your muscles are more relaxed than when you arrived. I’m going to stop here for now because I wouldn’t want to overdo you if you have work later’  
Magnus heard Alec retreating and the door close. After getting dressed, he went to Alec’s office.

‘Magnus, I still think it would be a great idea for you to see someone for all that’s bottled up inside. I can do a lot of things on your back but it will never be enough if you don’t find a way to get what’s keeping you behind off your chest’  
‘I’ll think about it. Don’t get me wrong Alec, I know I have stuff to work on, I’m not sure talking to a stranger is the solution. My friends already know and if I’m being completely honest, Catarina mentioned it to me as well, but I really don’t feel comfortable’  
‘well, my sister always tells me I’m a very good listener, so if one day you want to talk, I’m here’  
‘thanks Alec, that’s very kind of you’

Magnus left Alec’s office with less pressure on his shoulders. It felt terrific to not only be able to breathe more easily but also know that he could always talk to Alec if it became too much. Which happened two months later.

Over the course of two months, Magnus has seen Alec a total of nine times. The sessions they’d been having helped Magnus more than he ever thought it would. It also came from the fact that Alec was easy to trust, easy to talk to and very good at reading people’s feelings with his hands. They’d been working on his lower back and neck and they’d done miracles. So when Alec asked Magnus to lie on his back instead of his front, he was a bit surprised.

‘I want to take a look at your diaphragm. Because your back is mostly ok but there’s one area that keeps getting stuck between sessions and it could come from a resistance in your diaphragm area’  
So Magnus settled on his back and let Alec probe him. It was different being face to face with him. Magnus could fully appreciate the beauty radiating from Alec. Usually he had to focus on his hands, sometimes his voice but in this position he could see the various shades of his eyes, the way his mouth quirked when he found something that he shouldn’t, the crease on his brow like something was bothering him. 

Before he could stop himself, the words were out of his mouth.  
‘My mom killed herself when I was 10. I was the one who found her’  
Alec’s hands stilled and Magnus could see the surprise and shock on his face. He was relieved that there was no pity, only… worry and pain in his eyes? So he went on.  
‘my dad blamed me for her death, telling me I was the reason she had taken her own life, that I was a disgrace to them. He left me on my own when I was 12. I’ve had to take care of myself ever since’

As words were coming out of his mouth, tears were escaping his eyes. Magnus let them fall freely, like a relief. Alec was still massaging the area around his ribcage, a look of utter concentration on his face.  
‘so I don’t trust a lot of people. There’s Catarina, that you know of, Ragnor and Raphael. They’re my family. I made one of my own choosing. I like to think that my mom would be proud but I guess I didn’t really know her considering I couldn’t prevent her from…’  
‘Magnus you were a child’ Alec had stopped his movements. His right hand was on Magnus’ heart, like he wanted to anchor him.   
‘a disappointment would be a better word I guess, at least I wasn’t enough to make her want to live’  
‘when you think about taking your own life, you don’t think about the others, you only think about the pain finally coming to an end’  
Magnus’ mouth was agape and no word was coming out.

‘I can see the questions in your eyes, but that’s not a conversation I want to have here. I have no problem talking with you about it, I just prefer doing it in a personal environment, not a professional one. You free tonight? We could meet up ?’  
Magnus was stunned silent. Was Alec asking him out? 

Before he could answer though, Alec went on, misunderstanding his silence.  
‘I’m sorry that was terribly unprofessional. Well, we’re all done for today and I’ll understand if you don’t want to come back’  
Magnus saw Alec retreating and before his brain could catch up with his movement, he grabbed Alec’s forearm.  
‘I’d love to see you tonight. I agree, we’re gonna need alcohol if we’re discussing the bombs we’ve just dropped. Hell of a first date’  
Magnus hated himself the second the last words were out of his mouth. Why did he have to mention a date?! Alec never showed any sign of interest in him and Magnus never openly discussed his own sexuality. He was surprised when he heard Alec chuckle.  
‘strangely enough, I’m sure it won’t beat my worst. Is it ok if we meet up at my place?’  
Magnus nodded before asking.  
‘what was your worst first date?’  
Alec seemed to be thinking and gauging Magnus before answering, and then resolve settled in his eyes and he dropped the biggest bomb of the day.  
‘my dad tried to set me up when I was in Med School. Perfect match, dads would be proud of their children, it would help with their businesses… but my dad didn’t know one thing about me, so he set me up with a girl…’  
And with that, Magnus watched Alec exit the room before grinning like a fool. He’s got a date with the handsome chiropractor he’s been crushing on the last few weeks.

* * *

Magnus was surprised by the security in Alec’s building. There was a doorman who required you to log in before entering and then sent a message asking if he could indeed send the guest up. Magnus was directed to the elevator where the only button was ground floor. The doorman flashed a card in front of what looked like a scanner of some sorts and wished Magnus a good evening.

When the elevator doors opened, Magnus found himself inside Alec’s apartment.   
He took a wild guess and gathered the whole floor belonged to him. But there was no sign of his host until he heard a voice from… somewhere on his right.

‘sorry I’m running a bit late Magnus. Can you meet me up in the kitchen?’  
‘hey! Sure… gonna need directions though’  
‘follow my voice, it should be easy enough. I don’t live in a 10-story castle’  
‘ok, I’m lost… Marco?’  
‘name is Alec but I’ll play along… Polo?’  
‘you couldn’t just put a map at the entrance?! Marco?’  
‘people who are coming here usually know where they are going. Polo’

Magnus reached the kitchen to find Alec behind the stove, spatula in hand and flour all over his shirt.

‘Finally, your place is like a maze’  
‘I’ll give you a tour later on. I got a little too enthusiastic but I need to finish baking the naans. We’re having Indian, ok for you?’  
‘you didn’t have to cook, we could have ordered in. But I do love Indian’  
‘good. Are we gonna talk about the Gilmore Girls reference? Because I have a sister but what’s your excuse?’  
Magnus hesitated a bit before grinning.‘Well, Rory had a terrific mother and a perfect taste in her men, at least physically’  
This got Alec to chuckle and blush a little.

‘who’s your favorite?’  
‘Oh I’m team Logan baby, he was sophisticated. You?’  
‘I always loved Jess’ Alec’s blush intensified.  
‘going for the bad boy? Ha I would have pegged you for a team Dean’  
‘nah… too vanilla’ This time, Alec was so red he was not sure he could look at Magnus. He was not ashamed of himself, just not used to talking about it.  
‘you surprise me Alec Lightwood’  
‘good things I hope?’  
‘absolutely’  
Alec handed Magnus a glass of wine and after finishing in the kitchen, they moved to the living room. Having Alec guide him made it easier for Magnus, who was used to his one-bedroom apartment in Brooklyn.

Once they were comfortably seated, Magnus turned to Alec.  
‘I wanted to thank you Alec. You’ve been really patient and kind with me and even if it’s not perfect yet, I can feel a huge difference’  
‘you’re welcome Magnus, but I’m just doing my job’  
‘no, not really. Your job is to assess, treat and refer me to a colleague for the issues you can’t fix. It doesn’t include talking with me - really talking and not just small talk - and even less inviting me over and cooking. Unless it’s your usual way of treating clients, I don’t want to presume…’  
‘no it’s not. You’re the first client… the first person…’  
Magnus could see Alec was getting agitated and he feared he might have said something wrong.

‘I didn’t mean to imply anything Alec, I’m sure you pay a lot of attention to each and every client’  
‘I know that’s not what you meant, don’t worry’ Alec grabbed Magnus’ hand and began a stroking motion on his skin with his thumb like it was perfectly natural for them. Of course Alec had to be comfortable with touching people considering his job but this felt personal, not professional. Magnus was certain Alec hadn’t realized it yet.  
‘you’re the first person, outside my sister, who knows about the suicide attempt. And even if I wasn’t entirely forward with my words, to know I’m gay’  
‘I had gathered that much but didn’t want to assume or worse question… I’m flattered you felt comfortable enough to tell me. Seems only fair I reciprocate and let you know that I’m bi, hence Lorelai AND Rory’s boys’  
Magnus used his sentence to turn his hand around and link his fingers with Alec, whose eyes opened like saucers when he realized he’d been holding Magnus’s hand for a while.  
‘but know that you never have to tell anyone, and that includes me, what you’re not ready to tell’

Squeezing Magnus’ hand, Alec looked at him square in the eyes before going on.  
‘I was 20 when I tried to take my own life. I had been having panic attacks for the last five years and my parents kept telling me that I needed to stop being overdramatic, grow up and leave the drama behind. I was in love with my best friend, who’s straight. My parents are homophobic. I couldn’t take it anymore so… Izzy found me. She saved my life. I was in my third year of Med School, because my parents wanted us all to be doctors, like them. I quit and moved to LA. I started a new life. Lost my parents in the move, I couldn’t face them knowing that I’d only be a disappointment. I kept in touch with Jace, my best friend, but he doesn’t know I’m gay. I’m sure he suspects it though, we just never talked about it. And Izzy… She’s my life line. Eight years after all this, I feel so selfish for putting her through all this but at the time I only wanted to be free and feel no more pain. That’s why you cannot go on blaming yourself for your mom. You were enough for her, she just felt like she wasn’t enough for herself. If you want to, you can always talk about it with Izzy. She had troubles after my attempt as well, maybe she can guide you a bit’  
Magnus had tears rushing down his face. Alec had kept his gaze on the floor during his monologue but when he lifted his head, Magnus could see the shame, the pain but mostly the regret in his eyes.

* * *

‘I’m glad Izzy found you. I’m sorry you had to go through this. I’m sorry your parents made you feel unwanted. I’m so sorry you had to go through panic attacks for 5 years. You’re so strong Alec… is your name short for Alexander?’  
‘yes it is’  
‘it suits you more, Alexander’  
‘I’m sorry, I wanted you to have a place to talk and I unloaded all of this on you’  
‘well, I asked, not with words but… I’m still not over my mother’s death. I miss her every day. The worst is that details are becoming harder and harder to remember. The first time I couldn’t hear her voice in my head anymore I was such a mess. I miss her laughter but I can’t replay it anymore. I remember her smell though, and her touch. And each day, I force myself to think of them, to be sure she’ll never leave me. I haven’t seen my dad in 19 years but I’m not looking for him. I’m better on my own, with my chosen family, than with people like him, which sadly you understand’  
‘yeah, but it’s great we found each other to talk about it together’ Alec smiled sadly at Magnus, who reciprocated before shrugging his shoulders.  
‘ok, enough depressing thoughts. Tell me something fun about you’

‘I cannot whistle’  
Magnus burst out laughing.  
‘don’t mock me, I’m sure my lips are malfunctioning’  
‘I’m sure they’re functioning just fine’ Magnus realized what he’d just said when it was too late but before he could say anything else, Alec answered.  
‘well, you always find fun ways to say things. What about you, anything?’  
‘I practice magic. With cards, coins… I actually learned with Ragnor and I’ve gotten quite good’  
The next words coming out of Alec’s mouth left him speechless for a while.  
‘so you’re quite good with your hands then?’  
Magnus could see a faint blush coloring Alec’s cheeks but the smirk on his face told Magnus the innuendo had been done on purpose.  
‘oh you have no idea. Careful Alexander, or I might believe you’re flirting with me…’  
‘and what if I were?’  
‘then I’d tell you you’re doing a great job’  
They continued chatting over dinner, learning things from one another. Magnus felt his crush getting bigger as minutes went by. Alexander was caring, nice, shared the same beliefs as Magnus… it was getting too much and Magnus had to excuse himself. 

Alec used this moment to clean up. He was falling for his client and it was both endearing and scary at the same time. When Magnus joined him again, Alec thought it best to move.  
‘so, what about the tour? Won’t take long but…’  
‘sure’ Magnus welcomed the break, because sitting next to Alec required a lot of self control and he might not be have been able to handle it much longer.  
‘so this is the living room and you already know the kitchen. Here is my office, mostly for paperwork. Then there’s Izzy’s room when she needs a place’  
‘love the colors, your sister has good taste’  
Izzy’s room was a mix of gold, dark red and dark wood. It felt intimate and assertive, like his sister.

‘next is the guest bedroom, that I use mainly for storage. Here is my favorite room, that’s the library’  
Magnus entered the room and was directly enthralled by it. So many books, so many shelves, the seats in the middle, it looked like a dream to him.  
‘we can come back here later for drinks if you want to take a closer look’  
‘I’d love that’  
‘ok, last is my bedroom, nothing special apart from the view, which is the reason I bought this place actually. You can enter you know. You’ll get a better understanding of what I mean closer to the window’  
Magnus went to the window and was struck by the view. It had it all: the park, the museums, the buildings…

‘Alexander this view is breathtaking’  
‘I know’ those words were spoken so close to him that Magnus could feel Alec’s breath on his neck. He turned around to find Alec in his personal space.  
‘Alexander, I think I’m going to find a new chiropractor’  
The look of utter horror on Alec’s face surprised Magnus. He could feel Alec starting to retreat.  
‘yeah, ok. I’m sorry I made you uncomfortable. I’m not good at all this and I thought maybe… nevermind’  
Magnus finally understood what was happening and before he could register what his hands were doing, he was cupping Alec’s face.  
‘no, no sweetheart, you thought well. I need a new chiropractor because I really want to do this’

Magnus took a leap of faith and pressed his lips against Alec’s. It was soft and slow and Magnus loved the feeling of Alec’s lips. He reached out and caressed the nape of his neck while Alec grabbed his waist and pulled Magnus closer. Soon, Alec’s tongue was asking for permission and Magnus granted it happily, sighing. Things got heated so Alec took a step back.  
‘as much as I’d love to continue this, I think a change in scenery is needed because you kissing me like that, in my bedroom, is giving me ideas and I’m not ready for that yet’  
Magnus smiled at him and nodded.


	4. We hit pause

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Not the direction everyone was hoping for...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Merry Christmas Eve Eve!
> 
> New chapter, new direction. 
> 
> Thank you to all those of you who read, pressed kudos or commented. Once more, I'm open to any criticism so hit my mailbox if some things are bothering you or if you have advice :)

‘no you didn’t!’   
Magnus was laughing so hard, it had been a while since he had laughed like that. 

‘oh I did. After that day, nobody looked at me the same’  
‘of course they didn’t Alexander. You’re so shy and on guard that I find it hard to believe you went for it’  
‘well, I had just moved to California, left med school, my family, everything. And my parents’ name goes farther than New York so to fit in I had to do more but mostly I had to get out of my shell, literally’

Magnus laughed again and took Alec’s hand in his.

‘too bad you don’t have proof, I would have loved seeing that’

Alec smirked at him before answering.  
‘you get the real thing…’

They had avoided talking about their situation for too long to Magnus’ taste so he jumped in.  
‘I’d love to take you up on that, but I really think we need to adjust our situation first’

Alec lost all playfulness and became serious in an instant.  
‘I guess we couldn’t avoid it for ever, right? Listen Magnus, I can refer you to some of my friends because I think you could use a few more sessions but if you’re not comfortable seeing someone I know, we can take an unbiased look at all the professionals in New York’  
‘I trust you Alexander, I don’t mind seeing one of your friends’  
‘without knowing it, you’re bringing up the second topic I wanted to talk to you about. So, dating a client isn’t really… what I mean is…’  
‘Alexander I would never say anything to your friends if you’re not comfortable, or worse if it might lead to legal troubles for you’  
‘thank you Magnus, but it’s more than that. I need you to hear me out without interrupting me, can you do that?’

Magnus saw Alec was really tense next to him, he had an idea of where this was going and it would be hard for him to remain quiet, but he nodded anyway.  
‘thanks. What I wanted to talk to you about is the fact that there’s a reason why practicians are forbidden to nurture a relationship with their patients. Because we share personal information and we get to see people during a time of vulnerability, we might believe that we are developing feelings for each other. And most of the time, when the professional relationship ends, the feelings go away. I’m not saying our situation is like this, but if I’m being honest, it concerns me’

Magnus waited to be sure Alec was done talking before cupping his face with his right hand.  
‘Alexander, I know about that but I want you to believe me when I tell you that what I feel has nothing to do with our professional relationship’  
‘Thank you for saying it Magnus but I think… once again, hear me out ok? I think it’d be best if we didn’t get in touch with each other the next few weeks. It gives you enough time to finish your sessions with another chiropractor and if, at the end of it all, you still want to see me under other circumstances, you’ll be free to give me a call’

Magnus knew his eyes were filled with tears, but even if he hated to admit it, he knew Alec was right. He truly believed his feelings were real but Catarina had mentioned this syndrom and even if it felt impossible, Alec might be right.  
‘ok’

The word cut them both once they were uttered. 

Still, Alec was relieved when Magnus said it because it was a good sign. A sign that Magnus’ feelings were probably true and not just due to his treatment. He would have fought harder if his feelings were created by his subconscious.  
‘good. I’ll have Lydia call you tomorrow to set you up with Thomas, I think he’ll be perfect for you. We’ll catch up later, or not. I’m glad I met you Magnus, you helped me a lot those last weeks’  
Magnus laughed a heartbroken laugh at that.

‘you’re kidding, right? You gave me so much Alexander. I feel so good now, I almost don’t hurt anymore. I opened up to you, something I never thought I’d be able to do again. Trusting someone, not only with the good but also the bad. I’m sure I’ll call you at the end of the month and then I’ll ask you out properly’  
‘I’ll wait. You’re in charge Magnus, I’ll abide by whatever you decide’

‘can I kiss you?’

Alec knew he should have said no but he was selfish tonight. He shouldn’t have invited Magnus over, he shouldn’t have opened up to him, he shouldn’t have kissed him, so what could one last time do? Alec nodded and soon he felt Magnus’ lips on his.

This kiss was nothing like their previous one. 

It was filled with longing and passion, Magnus’ fingers grazing at the nape of Alec’s hair while his tongue battled with Alec’s for dominance.  
When they separated, Magnus looked Alec in the eyes.  
‘this is only goodbye Alexander, we’ll find each other again’

Magnus got up and left Alec on the couch, too afraid of what could happen if he stayed longer. 

Once on the street, his feet took him to the hospital where Catarina worked. He went to her unit to find her at the desk.  
‘Magnus, what are you doing here?’  
‘Hi Catarina, it’s good to see you too’  
‘you know what I meant’

The door behind the desk opened in a swift movement and a brunette whirlwind entered.  
‘I swear to God Cat, I’m gonna strangle one of them before the end of my shift’  
Magnus held back his laugh as he didn’t want to anger the lovely doctor some more, but she looked so adorable even when she was mad that he found that hard.  
‘oops I’m sorry, hadn’t seen you had someone’  
‘it’s ok Izzy, this is Magnus Bane’

Her eyes grew wide and Magnus was a bit taken aback by the reaction until Catarina extended the introduction.  
‘Mags, this is Isabelle Lightwood’  
‘as in…’  
‘Alec’s sister, yes. Magnus it’s so nice to finally meet you. Everything going ok with my brother?’  
Magnus blushed ‘we’ve decided to stop our sessions. He’s going to send me to a friend of his, Thomas I think’  
‘what did he do? Ugh I’m gonna kill him’  
‘so you’re the violent Lightwood? Already two death threats in less than five minutes’  
‘I can see… never mind, I’m gonna call Alec. Magnus it was a pleasure meeting you, I hope I’ll see you again sometimes. And just FYI, Jace is the violent one’  
‘good to know. See you’

Izzy left and Magnus knew Cat’s eyes were on him, questioning.

‘yes, I’m changing chiropractor’  
‘what happened Mags?’  
‘we kissed’  
‘what? Oh that’s so great! But then why…’ it took Catarina two seconds to understand ‘caregiver-patient syndrome’  
‘exactly’ Magnus sounded defeated ‘he asked me to stay away for a few weeks and call him then if I still wanna see him. Don’t get me wrong, I’m glad he’s a professional and worries about me but I’m gonna miss him so much. I think I’m falling for him Cat’  
Catarina was around the desk and engulfing Magnus in a tight hug in a heartbeat.

‘I agree Mags, you need to see how things evolve when you’re not seeing him. I’m glad he got you to open up again’  
‘I feel so much better. I love that he’s the one responsible for it but I’m positive my feelings are something else entirely’  
‘we’ll just have to make you think of other things for this month then. Come have lunch with Ragnor and I tomorrow, he’ll be so happy to see you’  
‘ok, thanks Cat’

Meanwhile in the hospital, Izzy’s voice could be heard at a distance.   
‘why on earth would you send him away? You told me two days ago that he was doing so much better, why stop now? And don’t get me started on the moony eyes you get when you talk about him… why would you deprive yourself of this? Are you stupid? Alec I swear…’  
‘you done? Can I speak?’  
‘sure, try to give me just one good reason as to why you did that’  
‘we kissed’  
‘you guys kissed?! But how come I didn’t know about it? When did it happen? sorry, sorry, most important question: how was it? And was it just kissing or did you guys…’  
‘Izzy please stop, I cannot talk about that with you sober nor over the phone! It happened three hours ago and I knew you were working so yeah I didn’t call you to tell you that I kissed the boy I like because we’re not in 6th grade anymore’  
‘like you were kissing anyone in 6th grade, let alone boys’  
‘you know what, I was thinking of asking you over when you shift is done but I don’t think I’ll do it now’  
‘I’ll be at your place in six hours, keep the coffee waiting because I’m not going to sleep until I know it all. And yes, I mean ALL. Love you big brother’  
‘love you too Iz’


	5. Awaiting

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> When things progress without really progressing

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Merry Christmas Eve!  
I'm up before dawn so I though it'd be great to do this before the Christmas madness starts :)
> 
> This chapter is divided into two parts: one in Alec's POV and the other from Magnus.

Alec POV

True to her words, Izzy showed up at 8am sharp. Alec had barely had time to welcome her with a cup of coffee before she was attacking him with questions.

‘so who kissed whom?’

‘he did’

‘I should have guessed. You’re being all professional, right? That’s why you’re sending him to Thomas…’

‘and why I won’t see or talk to him for the next few weeks’

Alec could see Izzy’s surprise and that she was about to speak so he went on before she could.

‘I think I’m falling for him Iz. I don’t want to put my whole life at stake. I cannot risk my heart and my job at the same time. I need to be sure that he wants me for me, and not just because…

‘because you’re his care-giver and he’s projecting’

‘now you get it?’

‘as much as I hate to admit it, I do’

‘by the way, how did you get to know all that about my relationship with Magnus?’

‘he might have shown up at the hospital last night to see Cat. I guess he went straight to her after seeing you’

‘I’m glad he has someone he can rely on. And I’m glad I have you but you need to rest’

‘I will, I will. First tell me, how was it?’

‘better than I imagined and that’s all you get’

‘aw my baby’s growing up’

‘do I have to remind you that I’m older than you?’

‘shush, don’t rain on my parade. I never thought this day would come Mr everything-is-business. Seriously Alec, I’ve never met any of your previous boyfriends, I was getting worried’

‘first, Magnus is not my boyfriend’

‘yet’

‘and you’ve never met any because you were in New York and I was in LA’

‘yes, but you never talked about anyone. Always « some guy » but I never got any name’

Alec mumbles something so low that Izzy had to ask for a repeat.

‘that’s because I never dated any of the « some guys ». I didn’t want a relationship, I wasn’t ready you know, too much on my plate and too many things to take care of before I could even consider… let’s just say that I needed my time and was ok with just hooking up for an evening, nice goodbyes and everyone on their way’

‘I never would have thought you’d go for casual sex Alec. That’s so… not you’

‘well, it was either that or remaining a virgin until god knows when so…’

Alec could feel his cheeks burning. Izzy and him had always been really close but Alec had never been comfortable talking sex with his baby sister.

Being back in New York and seeing her so often had brought a new side to their relationship. And Alec loved that his sister was his best friend once again.

‘oh I’m not judging Alec. It’s just… you must have felt lonely in LA’

‘I had friends you know. And seriously, I wasn’t ready to share my life with someone’

‘and you’re ready now?’

‘ready or not, Magnus made his way into my heart so… what if what I fear happens Izzy?’

‘then I’ll be there, we’ll repair your broken heart and we’ll try to find you someone else. Because now we know that you’re ready’

During her talk Izzy had gone to her brother and her head was now resting on his chest while her arms circled his waist, rubbing her hands on his sides and back.

‘I really hope it won’t come to that’

‘I really hope too big brother’

The next few days, Alec wasn’t surprised to see his baby sister staying with him. He went to work and came back home each day to find Izzy already there, or a post-it note saying she would be back later. After ten days, during dinner, Alec added jokingly.

‘you could move in with me you know. You’re always there so you’d stop spending money on rent for nothing…’

‘I know you’re joking but it would be nice, admit it’

Alec thought about it for a second. It was meant to be a jab at his sister but thinking more seriously about it, he realized he would indeed enjoy having her living with him.

‘I really would. Do you want to consider it?’

‘seriously? You’re not making fun of me, are you?’

‘I’m not that mean!’ Alec added feigning hurt.

‘I know you only stayed to keep my mind off Magnus, and it worked a bit thank you for that, but I love having you with me, I really missed you in LA’

‘I missed you too Hermano. Ok!’

‘ok?’

‘yeah, I’ll stop my lease, grab my stuff and you’ll have yourself a roommate’

‘deal’

So of course, the following weeks went by like crazy, helping Izzy move, adjusting. But Alec’s brain always found ways to remind him that he missed Magnus.

Earlier when he was preparing dinner, a song came up in his playlist that he hadn’t heard before. But Magnus had told him about it so Alec had added it. A song about love and sharing and joy and Alec couldn’t help but get emotional. Music had been a great refuge for him throughout the years and they had bonded over songs to listen to. One of their talks came to mind.

_‘no, you cannot be listening to that’_

_‘and why would you say that?!’_

_‘because Magnus, that’s noise only created to make people act like animals on a dance-floor’_

_‘oh Alec, not a fan of dancing then?’_

_‘well I am, but that’s not dancing, that’s…’_

_‘what is it?’_

_‘well with all the closeness and grinding, it looks more like foreplay than dancing to me…’_

_‘you’ll have to show me how you move to that then, I’m really curious now… Alexander you’re not talking anymore, are you blushing? I can almost hear it’_

_‘stop making fun of me, I’m not blushing, I’m just trying to imagine how I could ever dance to that’_

_‘let me know when you have the answer to that question’_

Alec remembered they had talked about the only dances he knew, mainly ballroom, and that Magnus had told him he’d have to take him clubbing.

Thirty nine days had passed and Alec still had no news from Magnus. Not that he was counting. Well he was but it didn’t matter. Because he could not be the one to call. He had to respect Magnus’ choice, even if it hurt.

When Izzy came back home on day 45, Alec was already on the couch, drink in hand. He didn’t want to make his sister uncomfortable so he smiled at her and tried to escape the room. But Izzy stopped him.

‘if you think I’m going to let you go to your room like this, you clearly don’t know me well, Alec. It’s ok to be sad. There’s nothing to be ashamed of, and you certainly don’t need to go hide in your room. Broken heart sucks, I know…’

‘I’m sorry, I just thought…’ Alec realized it was a bad idea trying to speak when tears started falling and he could not do anything to stop them.

‘I know sweetie, I know’

Alec felt his sister hugging him and he loved that about Izzy: she was so small she barely managed to get him all but she was so fierce that he could feel her hug everywhere. He was so glad they had decided to live together, because tonight felt unbearable but he had someone to share it with.

MAGNUS POV

The first week without seeing Alec went by quickly as school was full in session and his students were restless. Things got more complicated when Magnus met Thomas. He didn’t really have any apprehension or even expectations the first time he went but once he was on the table, he felt very uncomfortable.

‘ok Magnus, I’m sure Alec told you this but I need you as relaxed as possible. He told me you were almost done with your sessionsbut needed to change because of his new schedule. That man lives for his job, I don’t understand how it can be possible for him to not have time to finish your treatment’

Magnus felt bad for Alec. He shouldn’t have had to lie to one of his friends but he get why he did it. And Thomas’ interest wasn’t misplaced, Magnus got the feeling he really didn’t understand.

‘well my schedule was a mess as well so it was becoming really tough to find a time that fit us both. Thanks for agreeing to see me by the way, I really appreciate it’

‘don’t mention it, Alec helped me a lot throughout school, it feels good being able to help him in return. And honestly, I’m not worried working after him. I’m sure your back is going to be almost perfect’

The session went by and Thomas told Magnus that indeed, he wouldn’t need a lot of sessions.

‘I’ll see you next week and the week after that just to be sure but you’ll be brand new afterwards’

‘that’s great to hear. Is there any special things that I need to do or pay attention to once we’re done?’

‘no more than usual. Alec did a terrific job. You’ll let him know we’re done or do you want me to?’

‘no you can do it, I’m sure he’ll want details I’ll never remember’

‘true’

Thomas' chuckle told Magnus that he knew Alec well enough to be aware of his tendency to be extremely specific.

When he got back home after his session, his phone in hand, finger hovering over the call button, Magnus realized it had only been a little more than two weeks since he last saw Alexander and he promised that he’d wait for at least four. So instead, he dialed Catarina’s number.

‘hello Magnus’

‘hello my dear, how are you?’

‘I’m fine Mags, how are you?’

‘mph… I just want… doesn’t matter. I’m as fine as I can be all things considered. Today was my first session with Thomas’

‘that bad huh?’

‘no it wasn’t bad per se, just different. I only see him twice more and we’re done’

‘that’s great Magnus. You’ll be relieved to be done. And you’ll feel much better’

‘well I already do, but I miss him Cat. I feel so stupid, it’s not like I used to see him everyday or something, but I miss him like crazy’

‘like a kid who cannot have candy would be a better comparison, just sayin…’

‘he does look pretty edible’

‘I know hon. But he’s right, it’s for the best. Take a few more days and if you still feel that way, then call him. Think of it as Christmas. The expectation is the bestpart’

‘you know perfectly well that I always preferred the presents to everything else’

‘maybe, but only good kids get presents’

‘would you and Ragnor want to come over tonight?’

‘sure, we’ll see you at 8, OK?’

‘perfect, thank you Cat’

‘anything for you Mags, you know that’

Magnus spent most of his free time with Cat and Ragnor. He went to work and then to his sessions. When he said goodbye to Thomas, he realized that he had managed to wait for a little over four weeks. It had required a great deal of self control. But now that he could officially call him, Magnus got worried. Maybe Alec had moved on, maybe he hadn’t really been interested in him and that was why he had sent him to Thomas. So on day 30, Magnus wasn’t ready to call Alexander. He needed to calm his nerves before, otherwise he was gonna sound like a blubbering mess.

On day 31, so many students wanted information regarding their exam that he got home exhausted and went straight to bed.

On day 32, he pressed the call button but hung up a nano second after.

On day 33, he didn’t feel well. His chest was hurting and he was coughing a lot. Winter days were tough. When he realized he had a fever, he grabbed a tablet and went to bed.

When he woke up, it was day 35. He was still shivering and he had trouble breathing. Catarina came to his rescue with antibiotic and fluids, shouting at him that it could have evolved into pneumonia and he should really pay more attention to his health.

He slept on and off for three days. Catarina came each morning and each evening to check on him and make sure he took his medicine. He was feeling a little better on day 39, but his voice was still mostly gone. He thought of texting Alexander but refrained from it. The day he would get back to him, he wanted to be able to talk to him and not just text. He wanted to be able to hear his voice and answer him, to hear him laugh and to be the one who made the sound come out of him.

He could finally get out of his house on day 43, but with so many days out of work, his workload was impossible. He buried himself in his job and it was only on evening 45 that Magnus realized he needed to do something. But it was already late and he didn’t want to disturb Alec. So before he chickened out once more, he sent him a text.

_Good evening Alexander. Sorry it took me so long to contact you but life got in the way.I’ve finished my sessions with Thomas, he told me you did a terrific job which I already knew. I’d be really happy to see you again if you want? You have my number, ball is your court now, Magnus_


	6. The date, or not?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Did Alec get the text? Does he want to see Magnus again? Who am I kidding, you know perfectly well the answers to those questions.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We're reaching the end people, I hope you enjoyed it and let me know if you see things to be changed or if you wanted something else ;)
> 
> After this chapter, I have 2 remaining, that I'll probably most tomorrow and Saturday morning Paris time.

When Alec woke up, he realized he was late, something that had never happened to him before. Izzy was still sleeping so Alec went to shower and skipped breakfast, he’d grab something on the way to let her sleep longer on her day off. His coffee maker delivered one of the best coffee ever but it came with a lot of noise.

He pulled on jeans, a t-shirt, phone in his pocket and bag on his shoulder. He always felt that he looked like a kid dressed like that but he really didn’t have time to care.

He arrived at work just on time and didn’t even have a minutes for a coffee before lunch. Seated in his office, he grabbed his phone to check if Izzy had called him and his heart skipped a beat when he saw one unread message from Magnus Bane. Because he was thinking straight, the first thing he did was calling his sister.

‘hi Alec’

‘Izzy he texted!’

‘what did he say?!’

‘I have no idea… I called you before reading it’

‘hermano you need to breathe. Texting is a good sign, he could have remained silent. Put me on speaker and go read your message. Out loud’

Alec opened the message and read it.

‘honey, it’s 1:30, he has to be on break, give him a call. If he doesn’t answer then send a text but try to talk to him. I know you’re dying to hear his voice’

‘you’re right thanks Izzy. I love you’

‘love you too Alec. Now go catch your man’

Alec hung up laughing and dialed Magnus’ number.

‘Magnus hi, it’s Alec’

‘Alexander hi. I’m glad you’re calling’

‘well I got your text and thought it would be easier to talk’

‘yes, and that way I can hear your voice. I missed you’

‘I missed you too. Do you want to have dinner? Are you free tonight?’

‘I do and I am’

‘come to my place? It’ll be more comfortable than going outside. We can go to a restaurant if you prefer, I didn’t want to assume…’

‘sure, I’ll see you at your place say 8?’

‘perfect, see you tonight’

The end of the day seemed to take for ever and Alec couldn’t wait to be home. His mind was so busy that staying focused required a lot of strength. Eventually, his last client left the office.

He had texted Izzy earlier to let her know they’d be having company this evening to which she had answered that she’d be staying with a friend overnight. Alec was grateful that living with his sister was so easy. She understood him really well and made his life lighter. And at the same time, he was glad he’d have the apartment for himself tonight because he may be comfortable with his sister but Magnus didn’t really know her.

At 8pm sharp, the doorman called him to let him know his guest had arrived. And ten seconds later, the elevator doors opened and Magnus was finally in front of him.

‘Magnus, hi’

‘hey’

Both men were attentively watching the other, neither of them moving.

‘it’s nice to see you. How is your back feeling? Did everything go smoothly with Thomas?’

‘yes it did. Thank you for referring me to him. And my back feels so much better’

Silence fell again and Alec wondered if he had done a good thing inviting him over. Maybe Magnus only wanted to tell him they had had a nice time and be on his way. But then why say yes to come over?

‘you know, I kept thinking about the things I’d like to tell you but now that you’re here, I don’t even know where to start. I would have called earlier but I got sick and missed work for a few days. Then everything was a mess at work so… but I definitely wanted to call’

‘that’s good to hear. Listen Magnus…’

Alec stopped talking, like he was weighing his next words.

Before he could go on, he hears Magnus saying in a low voice.

‘and I really missed kissing you’

As soon as the words were out, Alec’s hands were on Magnus’ check, lifting his head so they were on the same level. Alec saw fear in Magnus’ eyes, as well as a longing he was certain was reflected in his own eyes.

‘I really missed you too’

And then he was kissing Magnus. It felt nothing like last time. They were still discovering each other but there was an urgency that wasn’t present before. They stumbled back and fell on the couch, Magnus landing on top of Alec, both men laughing.

‘I’d love to continue this, but maybe we could have dinner first?’

‘well, dessert has always been my favorite part of a meal…’ Magnus added grinning.

They spent the next hour chatting, laughing and eating until Magnus got serious.

‘I don’t think I ever thanked you for what you did for me. It was your job to take care of my back, but you also took care of me. It had been a while since someone really paid any attention and it felt wonderful’

‘I’m used to people breaking down on my table you know. And usually I send them to a therapist or any kind of other help they might need. But there was something with you. I don’t know how to explain it, I needed to be there for you’

The words that left Amgnus’ mouth were uttered in a hushed tone.

‘I think I’m falling for you Alexander’

Alec saw apprehension written all over Magnus’ face. It was too soon for Alec, he couldn’t say the words out loud, even if he knew that feelings were definitely present. He heard Magnus say in a small voice.

‘I’m sorry Alexander, I didn’t mean to scare you, it’s just that…’

‘you didn’t scare me Magnus. Well I’m scared but not for the reason you might think. I’ve never been in a relationship. So all of this is new to me. Flirting, dating, I never… I want to try though, with you, if you want to. I’m just gonna need time’

‘I have all the time in the world darling’

Magnus kissed him and Alec felt his chest expand. He knew this was Magnus’ acceptance of who he was, and his way of showing instead of saying how he felt.

‘I’m glad you came to see me Magnus, both tonight and a few weeks ago’

‘I’m glad too darling’


	7. Boyfriend?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Malec tooth rotting fluff :)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> From this point forward, welcome to the land of fluff. 
> 
> Last chapter will be out tomorrow.

They had been seeing each other three times a week for the last few weeks when Alec asked Magnus shyly:

‘so it’s Izzy’s birthday in two weeks and we’re having a party with some friends. I was wondering if you’d want to come with me?’

‘I’d love that Alexander’

‘I meant as my date’

‘still ok’

‘I’m so bad at this… I want to come out to all my friends, and I’d really appreciate it if my boyfriend could be here to support me’

‘boyfriend uh?’

‘yes, that’s me asking awkwardly… well I know where I stand and I don’t want to be seeing anyone else so…’

‘ok boyfriend’

Alec smiled at this and soon Magnus’ lips were hovering above his own.

‘and for the record, I don’t want to be seeing anybody else either. Exclusive boyfriends sounds exactly like perfection. I…’

Instead of hearing the end of the sentence, Alec was attacked by Magnus’ lips. They were everywhere, devouring him. Things got heated, like they often did those last times, and Alec knew he was ready for the next step.

‘Magnus, what do you say we continue this in your bedroom?’

Alec saw Magnus’ eyes growing, his pupils dilate, and his tongue lick his lips.

‘you sure? Don’t get me wrong, I really want to, but I don’t want you to feel pressured or anything’

‘I don’t, I want you too Magnus, all of you’

Slowly, Alec was being lift up and dragged to Magnus’ bedroom. They kissed languidly on the threshold, before Alec heard Magnus say.

‘we can stop at any time, darling’

‘thanks Magnus, but stopping isn’t on my mind, unless you…’

‘oh no, believe me, I’ve been wondering way too many times what you’re hiding under those clothes’

‘so what are you going to do about it?’

Alec could see the twinkle in Magnus’ eyes before being thrown on the bed.

A few hours later, on the verge of falling asleep, Magnus nestled in his arms, Alec needed to let the words out.

‘I think I’m in love with you. I’m scared because I have no idea how to handle it but I don’t want to fight it anymore’

When he woke up, Alec was warm. There was a weight on his chest and it felt good. His hand went to Magnus’ side and began an up and down motion. Alec loved this movement because it gave a good indication of the other person’s relaxation. And Magnus seemed perfectly relaxed.

‘morning darling’

‘Magnus hi. I thought you were still asleep’

‘I was until now, you hand woke me up’

‘sorry’ Alec was about to remove his hand when Magnus grabbed it and kept it in place.

‘don’t you dare move. I wasn’t complaining’

‘do you have anything to do today?’

‘well I need clothes for your sister’s party’

‘Magnus, your closet is full of clothes already’

‘maybe, but it’s not everyday your boyfriend officially comes out’

Alec blushed but didn’t answer. They stayed in bed a little longer before heading for breakfast.

Magnus ended up winning and Alec went shopping with him (so they could match, Magnus’ idea of course). They spent hours in shops, trying out items before deciding for simple black jeans and white tshirts. Magnus finished his look with a bright burgundy jacket when Alec opted for a grey one. Bags in hands, they decided to grab a bite before heading back home.

Alec had expected a minor breakdown the first time he’d call Magnus’ place home but it didn’t come. Smiling to himself, he knew he was ready for more.

Shyly, he let his hand slide into Magnus’ and laced their fingers together. It was a bold move for Alec, nothing he’d ever done before. He tried not to focus too much on his hammering heart but he released the breath he hadn’t realized he was holding when he felt Magnus squeeze his hand.

The following two weeks went by in a blur. The end of school year was approaching at a fast pace which didn’t give Magnus a lot of free time. Alec’s business was going strong so many evenings were spent working. On the night before Izzy’s birthday, Alec knocked on Magnus’ door. They hadn’t seen each other in a week but to Alec it felt like forever.

So after leaving work on Friday, he decided to go to his boyfriend’s place without an invitation for the first time. He was a bit worried about Magnus’ reaction but before he could dwell too much on it, the door opened.

‘Alexander hi, everything alright?’

Magnus was smiling but Alec could see the questions in his eyes.

‘Hi Mags. I finished early today and we haven’t seen each other for a while and I wanted to see you so instead of calling I decided to come. But maybe you’re already doing something, I’m sorry…’

‘don’t apologize’ Magnus cut him off with a kiss ‘I missed you too darling I’m glad you felt comfortable enough to come here. Make yourself at home, I’m just gonna clean up one or two things and be right with you’

Alec got settled in the living room and before Magnus disappeared, Alec heard him slowly add ‘I’m really glad you’re here, it means a lot you chose to come to me’

Before he could lose his nerves, Alec said ‘there’s no place I’d rather be’

Alec was all over the place, wringing his fingers together. He’d been thinking about it for a while, after at the end of a phonecall he had almost let the words slip. He was so in his head that he never heard Magnus come back but only realized he was there when he felt the couch dip.

‘I brought you wine, you looked like you needed it’

‘thanks’ despite his chuckle, Alec knew he sounded nervous.

‘you ok?’

Instead of answering, Alec dived in to Magnus lips and kissed him, slowly. His hand rested on Magnus’ cheek and brought him even closer.

‘not that I don’t like kissing you sweetheart but you’re scaring me, are you feeling fine?’

‘more than, I really missed you. And I don’t really know what I’m doing so I didn’t know if it’d be ok for me to stop by unannounced’

‘you’re welcome here any time, darling. I was thinking of having a key made for you anyway’

Alec’s jaw dropped at hearing those words. Magnus really seemed ok with Alec sharing his life.

‘I’ll understand if it’s too much, don’t worry Alexander. I’m just so comfortable with you and I can see us going far together so it seemed like an appropriate step but it can wait if you’re not ready’

‘I love you’ Alec let the words slip past his lips without hesitation. He didn’t know much about relationship but every action Magnus had taken let Alec feel good about himself and where they were. When Alec’s eyes landed on Magnus, he took in his surprised stance and his comically widened eyes.

‘maybe it’s too soon but I don’t care, I want you to know. I’m in love with you Magnus Bane. I cannot begin to express how thankful I am that our paths crossed. You’ve helped me realize that I could have so much more from life. You are the most generous, caring and loving person I know’

‘I love you too Alexander. I’ve known for a while now but I didn’t want to scare you. I think I fell in love a long time before I even realized it. You were so gentle and kind with me during our sessions. And the way you opened up to me to help me, that might have been it you know’

They held each other for a while, just enjoying the touch of their loved one in their arms.

‘should we order in? I really don’t want to go out now. I want to cuddle with you on the couch while eating pizza’

‘sure. But if I had that key you mentioned earlier, I’d just head to the pizza place you love a few streets away and bring you a slice’

‘we’ll have to make you a copy tomorrow then’


	8. Epilogue

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> We take our final steps with Magnus and Alec.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We've reached the end of this story. Thank you to all who read, gave kudos and commented, it really helped overcome the fear of publishing :)
> 
> I hope you enjoyed the places I've taken you to.
> 
> Once more, if you have any comment, advice or anything, my inbox is open :)
> 
> Now on to the story!

Isabelle’s birthday had always been a constant in Alec’s life. They had celebrated together for as long as he could remember. This year felt special though, because they were going to celebrate with the whole gang: Clary, Jace, Simon, Maia as well as Izzy’s friends from work. Alec hadn’t seen the gang for years. He had Jace on the phone every now and then because he was his best friend but they were definitely not as close as they used to be.

When they arrived, all hell broke loose. Simon kept gushing on Alec’s and Izzy’s place, Clary held onto him like she was afraid that if she let go he might vanish and Jace eyed him in a brotherly way, making sure his best friend was ok.

They all settled in the living room, chatting happily and Alec went to the kitchen to retrieve some drinks when Jace joined him.

‘it’s good to see you again Alec’

‘you too Jace, it’s been a while’

‘yeah… about that… I’m sorry I never visited in California’

‘it’s ok Jace, you had your life here and…’

‘no, I promised myself something when you came back and I’m going to hold on that promise’

‘ok. But I’m not mad at you for not visiting. I had you on the phone every now and then, and to be honest I wasn’t in a good place back then so it’s probably for the best’

‘you look better than before you left, I’ll give you that’ Jace’s smirk made Alec more comfortable to go on.

‘jackass… though it’s probably true. Guess love changes you like that’

‘you met someone?’

‘yes’ Alec hesitated just a few moments, squared his shoulders and looked Jace in the eyes before going on ‘his name is Magnus, we’ve been together for a few months. I’m in love with him’

Alec awaited a reaction from Jace, any kind, but nothing happened until Jace said ‘does he treat you right? Does he love you back?’

Alec nodded and suddenly found himself in a bone crushing hug.

‘I’m so happy for you Alec. Thank you for telling me’

‘I’m glad you know. Technically everyone will know soon because he’s coming tonight but it’s a good thing I could tell you first. I hated keeping it from you but I had my reasons’

‘I knew Alec’

The air left Alec’s lungs and he could feel panic rising. Jace didn’t realize what was happening and went on.

‘I’ve known for a while and I know that our relationship was a challenge for you. That’s one of the reasons… listen, I love you man, like if you were my own brother, but I had the feeling it wasn’t what you wanted so I kept my distance. It was selfish because I wanted to keep you for myself even when I knew I couldn’t give you what, I think, you wanted’

Alec’s breathing was out of control, he needed to calm down. He had no idea Jace knew about him and his feelings. But Jace wasn’t disgusted, he was not running away. Alec could feel Jace hand on his arm, soothing him. Once his breathing was regulated, Alec felt tears slowly roll down his cheeks.

‘you’re my best friend Alec, I couldn’t imagine my life without you in it. But you weren’t ready to talk about it so I picked the easy road. I’m sorry if I ever hurt you Alec. I hope Magnus makes you happy, which by the looks of it, seems to be the case. Can’t wait to meet him’

Alec and Jace had been hugging during the last part of Jace’s speech when they heard someone clear their throat.

Alec opened his eyes to see Magnus standing in his kitchen, a look of adoration on his face.

‘I didn’t want to interrupt, sorry. But people started asking me how we knew each other and I thought you’d want to be the one to tell them’ Alec nodded and looked between the two most important men of his life.

‘Jace, this is Magnus. Magnus, meet Jace’

To Alec’s great surprise, Jace didn’t take the hand offered to him but went straight to hugging Magnus.

‘thank you for loving my best friend’ he then added in a lower voice ‘if you hurt him, I’ll hunt you down’

Magnus answered him in the same low voice ‘thank you for accepting him’

‘gentlemen, I’m gonna give you a moment and see how Izzy’s handling everything. I’m coming back in 15 minutes if you’re not with us’

As soon as Jace was out of the room, Alec launched himself at Magnus and let the tears fall freely.

‘it’s ok love. I know how overwhelming this must have been. I’m so proud of you’

‘he knew Magnus… and he…’

‘of course he knew darling. He’s your best friend. Speaking of, it seems like mine is here tonight’

Alec was grateful for the subject change. This night was a celebration and they needed to get to Izzy. They’d have time later on to talk about it, and Alec still needed to absorb all what Jace had told him.

‘Catarina is here?’

‘yes, I saw her when I came looking for you. Shouldn’t be surprised though. Your sister and she seem very close’

‘I can’t wait to meet her’

‘shall we?’

‘yeah’

‘I love you Alexander’

‘love you too Magnus’

They made their way towards the living room and just a few steps before arriving, Alec placed his hand in Magnus’ and intertwined their fingers.

When everyone saw them, a silence fell on the room.

‘guys, I’d like you to meet Magnus, my boyfriend’

For a second, no one said anything until a red-haired tornado engulfed Alec.

‘I’m so proud of you Alec, thank you for telling us’

‘thanks Clary, it means a lot’

He hugged her while seeing the faces of the people he cared the most look at him with pride and love in their eyes.

‘ok everyone, tonight is Izzy’s night, let’s get this part started’

ONE YEAR LATER

‘Alexander we’re gonna be late’

‘no we’re not’

‘if you keep doing that, yes we will’

‘ok’

‘no pouting, that’s not fair. We really have to get ready. You shouldn’t have told me which restaurant you were taking me to if you didn’t want me to get excited’

‘you’re right, I’ll let you put your pants on then’

‘I appreciate that, thank you’

Alec left the room so that Magnus could get ready and went on his evening plans once again. They had been dating for more than a year and to Alec it felt like they’d always known each other.

Izzy’s birthday party had helped them move forward at a faster pace, and soon after it, Magnus had moved in with Alec. Alec still remembered how it had happened.

_‘you ok Love?’_

_‘yes, it’s just Izzy’_

_‘is something wrong with your sister?’_

_‘she’s moving out. Something along the lines of me not needing her anymore’_

_‘do you?’_

_‘I don’t know. I loved being able to see her everyday again. She’s just moving a few blocks down but still’_

_‘I never had a roommate, or a sister for that matters, so I don’t really know what you mean. But if you feel lonely or need someone, I’m just a phonemail away’_

_‘would be so easier if you were here though’_

_‘Alexander are you saying what I think you’re saying?’_

_‘I guess I am. Move in with me Magnus. Not because Izzy’s leaving and I need a new roommate but because I want to live with the man I love. I want to see you every night before going to bed and every morning when I wake up’_

_‘yes’_

_‘Izzy better move out fast now…’_

Alec still remembered how much they had laughed at that. Living with Magnus was natural, like they had always had. They did fight sometimes, even for the stupidest things, but they always found their way back to one another.

The restaurant was crowded when they arrived and Alec got a bit worried. But his worry was relieved when he saw Sam coming.

‘Mr Lightwood, Mr Bane, good evening’

‘Good evening Sam, I already told you to call me Alec’

‘I’ll try my best Alec. If you’ll follow me, I’ll take you to your table’

They were ushered to a secluded table overlooking the Manhattan skyline. This had been a favorite of Alec’s for a long time, and Magnus had become addicted as well. The view was breathtaking, the food exquisite and the wine list a wonder. Once they were seated and their food ordered, Alec looked up at Magnus.

‘I’ve been thinking about things lately, and I’d love your input’

‘sure, what kind of things?’

‘well I’d like you to help me make new business cards for my practice’

‘I couldn’t agree more. The old ones look so sad’

‘you don’t say…’

‘well, white lettering on full black cards… brrr… no I can see it, colors, different fonts…’

‘OK, I was thinking maybe I could change some other things on it?’

‘like what? I love original but you still need to remain professional so a certain standard is expected. Not saying I love it, but that’s how it is. So regular size, bright colors on white background. Name, address, phone number, maybe add an email address’

‘yes, seems good. I was just wondering about a name change though’

‘you want to give a name to your practice instead of using your last name?’

‘no, not exactly’

‘so what did you have in mind?’

‘I was thinking more along the lines of you agreeing to have me hyphenate my name to yours’ Alec saw the moment everything clicked in Magnus’ head. ‘I love you Magnus Bane. You’ve changed me in the best way possible. I cannot imagine anyone else I’d love to spend my life with. What I’m saying is: Magnus Bane, will you marry me?’

‘yes, yes, yes I’ll marry you Alexander. And I will gladly hyphenate my name too. Magnus Lightwood-Bane does have a nice ring to it’


End file.
